/ by Caleb Blansett

 
 

I can't see what makes this the thing worth doing. I'm just trying to find a voice, trying to accept the gaps in my memory - gaps that signal a whole. I heard that the word center inherently implies lacking a center. decentralized. the word balance inherently implies lacking (everything that) balance. as in everything inherently implies nothing and nothing inherently implies everything.

this is neither sonnet nor a song; the act of writing through the gaps. the act of using the whole as a fulcrum to lift everything that is - as in by the bootstraps, as in tripping on everything (that lacks a tie) tripping tripping tripping trying to trying to knot? not? tie not down, loosen did up. Can you (I) tell (listen) exactly when this became (fell apart) extremely difficult but not right (write). we (I) {you} left (right) it there - I've enjoyed the word, quivering, never knowing when it's appropriate to use (forget) "I" - but i'm actually talking about quivering because I want (right) to be strong. Yoga teacher told balance as a sway (convincing conversation) so fall, fall, fall, into the hole (whole)-ness worth(ness) worth-less actually meaning more, as in there is (knot) this is a shadow, less implying a son less implying a sun. that was a a mistake - a hole in the sky that i'm continually (once) falling through. grammar teacher said say for once says for continually power of s power of flow, as in a river. power of s to unravel time s(un) continually continually continually or the inability of a shadow to fill (feel) a hole (whole) but rather to create gaps into which - we, I quiver in the shade where we, I cannot see (feel) what it means to burn. it's vibration that creates sound. screaming screaming screaming fulcurm from bearing this weight (wait) that is a hole (whole) s. Bending like a shadow growing in the absence (abcess)

as in the word hole implies whole as in lost as in wondering through a mass as in praying for a hole that is the answer (question) for this is(n't) what it means to be found as in not an object to stumble upon as in does the word "found" imply more intention that accidental - stubbed toe did not mean to find - cause of prayer cause of searching cause of - to - suppli(cation) as in on bended knee  we (all) mouths open to (receive) spout the body soul salvation for this sin that is a hole in the blanket of our purity through which the cold bleeds

as in, as in? as out? which means this is next which means what is this wall between - a body, more rigid than an s curve, the shape of which implies two mouths, as in as out, where is this body where is the full circle that era(dictates) - eros? - neigher beginning nor end, no chance for quivering, only a mass put it together - amass - to gather - feels like worth doing feels like worth singing feels like worth writing everything as a sigh. Repetition feels like the only way to - time is a circle - destroy time. Time as a flat circle, as a plate, as an empty meal. as in as out. my shit in the shape of an s curve. open mouths waiting (weighing) an open mouth is nothing but a hole whithin a whole. open mouth as a closed circle. as in as out. everything as a sigh. words created by a (quivering) diaphragm.